ramadan 2016

Done. Alhamdulillah.

Everything was so smooth. It's my first time ever to spend the whole Ramadan in Egypt and it wasn't all that bad. First three weeks of Ramadan were great. Despite of having final exams and all, I still managed to juggle them all. Forth week, I got all tired and exhausted. Maybe because I got all the exams done, I just wanted to relieve myself. I slept a lot. I have no appetite at all. Even after 16 hours of fasting and I was fine with having a glass of water for a break fast. #skeletoninthemaking

So, I'm on a multivitamin supplement therapy now to make everything balance back.

I told you guys before how amazing Ramadan here was. It turned to be extra amazing this year when we got a lot of free iftar invitation outside haha. Of course we loved it, even though it was all Egyptian foods (some that I couldn't really eat - plus I am not really a big eater) but the idea of having it free was just great hahaha.

We got a few iftar invitations from the campus, from our Dean, from our beloved Pharmacology lecturers, from Dr Afaf (Pharmacognosy lecturer who gives us free iftar every year without fail!).

And we had this one uncle living in the same neighborhood as us who cook for us EVERYDAY! So every evening before an iftar, he would gave us loads of foods with so many side dishes, fruits, juice and all. Crazyyy. We were so happy actually and we're just so excited to see what's coming on to us on the day. 

After a month of eating Egyptian cuisine, I am now totally look like an Egyptian already haha.

I know! I missed Malaysian foods so so so much. Sometimes we cook another Malaysian side dishes too, cause the stomach just kind of missed the chilli paste. Sigh. You really have no idea how much I missed those Malay foods. *cries* *reminds myself it's only a few months left*

Okay, done talking about food hahaha.

I told you before about my Ramadan goals. Alhamdulillah, I'm really happy to get all that fulfilled. I mean not 100%, I still feel like I'm lacking here and there. 

We managed to khatam the whole Quran and even made a small khatam Quran ceremony hehehe. I missed terawikh prayers too sometimes, but usually we all would prayed terawikh together at the living room. And sometimes just by myself. 

On the last day of Ramadan, I thought to myself about how happy I was to celebrate Ramadan this time and it was so meaningful. I learned a lot too! And my health just amazingly cooperate haha alhamdulillah.

My last Ramadan as a single lady, by the way. I'm happy I made it this way. May Allah bless us all. 

Eid post coming up!

Dear Past Me

Dear Past Me,


I've received your letter 5 years ago. Thanks for the effort to write and for the high dreams you had on me hahaha. Don't be surprised about what you are going to read now.

To be honest, the current me isn't that much differ to the past me. Just that, I'm getting better than you (a good thing right?). I'm not a pharmacist yet, but I'm turning into one. I'm doing my degree in Clinical Pharmacy in Egypt now. I know! You'd never had a slightest thought of me going far to Egypt. Never ever in your plan. But this is how life rolls. Allah has sent me here, with reasons. And Alhamdulillah for that. I'm happy here.

I've spent almost 4 years here, I'm truly blessed. I've learnt so many things, I get to know the real meaning of life. I feel closer to what we should do in life. My aim was only to become a pharmacist. But it gets so different now, I think being a good Muslim is all that matters the most. Speaking of studies, I think I am just you. Who still stays up late for the last minute revision, I am still the same me hahaha but still having the same aim to become what I've really liked; pharmacist.

(Is it possible for someone to become this loyal? Damn, I must be so weird hahaha).

Family is still the same. I got a sister in law now who is expecting for her first. I'm so excited! Dad is the most excited one, of course. Because he's getting old (taking antihypercholesterolemia now zzz I lectured him about this already don't worry) that he can't really wait to have his first grandchild. He already has his favourite names to give to our first newborn. He would selfies with any of our cousin's children and sends the pictures to our Whatsapp group just to say that "our time is next" hahaha. So exciting. Mum is mum, never change, she's pretty cool about this.

And as me, I'm not married yet. If the plan goes well, it'll be at the end of this year, if Allah wills. I'm gonna blog about this real soon. So maybe in the next letter, you are going to read more about my marriage life hahaha. Yes, with Ameerul (who else?). Told ya, I'm one loyal freak! Ameerul is still nice. He puts everyone ahead before him, as always. You know, it would have be a thick book if I'd got to write all of nice things he's done to me. I am not bragging but he's really one nice creature that Allah has made for me, so complementary and it fits so well like a puzzle hahaha. (That's why he says I'm good at words, I'm one sweet talker you see).

Damia and Adam are still my closest babies. Since I'm in Egypt now, I will only get the chance to meet them once per year. But they grow up so fast now, Damia has a cellphone already. She Whatsapps me all the time with her pictures, songs and so on hahaha.

Let me tell you about Dolls. They are growing up so so well. Many things happen in this 5 years. So many newborns, so many Dolls Jr. Everyone got married and all. And Mc Ah's baby had an operation for her congenital heart problem, it's really sad. But Baby Zara Humaira grows up so well now, she's really strong. And as for my diploma coursemate, we are still close. Still the same as the old us. I'm really happy about this friendship. And I've made a new circle now with my Egypt sisters, they are younger than me but that's really okay cause I feel younger hahaha.

Oh, shopping! I miss to shop. I haven't really shop for the longest time! Wow, can't believe myself. Cause I have no income right now hahaha I'm going back to become a student, so I only get my monthly allowance from my dad. What a sad thing zzzz. Don't bother to buy shoes anymore cause I couldn't find any of my size here, everything is so large, I'm miserable. Plus, collecting shoes now is a bad idea, cause Egypt gets so dusty and I love my shoes, so that's it. Handbag? Nayy. I'm a student now. Backpack is fine for me. Clothes? Nayy. Cairo is far. And everything gets expensive due to Egypt's currency. I used to collect MNG shirts and Charles & Keith handbags before. But any of international brands here are double charged to what they be in Malaysia due to the currency. I remember I really want this Charles & Keith handbag but it costed 600LE, nahh forget it I felt like giving away 6 pieces of 100LE notes, compared to what they'd be in Malaysia (just giving away 2 or 3 pieces of RM100 notes haha), so never mind hahaha. But H&M is tolerable.

So, I only shop in Malaysia when I get back there during summer break.

Well, I may progress slowly, it's fine as long as I put an effort to make myself better. Well, of course life isn't always be easy. But I'm thankful I got everyone around me through my every moments. I'm one happy girl woman.

Thanks to those who stay. I sound like an old lady now and I hate it. I'm still young! *applying anti-aging cream*

Hahahaha.

Not mine, obviously haha. Just me in 2016.

Sincerely,
The Future You.

2016

Happy new year!

The feeling is as same as I celebrated Awal Muharram few months ago. Welcoming new year is fun. You'd filled with hope and trust towards yourself. You believe you could do better next time. You suddenly have dont-know-where-it-comes-from spirit that tells you to be brave and strong in the future ahead.

I feel that.

I don't have specific new year resolutions or whatever. But I just want to be fat.

To be fat for me is equals to being healthy. I wanna fix my BMI which I've actually tried for years but nothing has came out.

(And as a start, I just finished my heavy breakfast with the last-night's pizzas and KFCs leftover -reallyyyyyyyy healthy hahahaha)

And nothing more that I wish for 2016. I'm just gonna go with the flow and rock every moments of the journey. (I don't buy New Year New Me kind of thing, sorry hahaha)

Well, since we are in the exam season now, plus it is winter, so we don't really spend that much of time outside. I'd rather be at home, wrapping myself with my qissy-smelled blanket, switch the heater on the highest heat flow. Our (housemates) kind of new year celebration was just enjoying some good seafood pizzas and called KFC for delivery and watching some movies.

And also it's rare for me to watch animated movies hahaha. You name it, Despicable Me? No. Frozen? No. Baymax? No. No. No. Stop asking.

My actual kind of movie is always about some working, sophisticated woman who knows how to dress up, have a boyfriend who is finally turns out to be a loser or rich man who suddenly becomes an asshole to his woman and all that these women do is to step up and fight. Or something thrilling and family mode movie.

Much less like The Devil Wears Prada, Bride Wars, We Are The Millers, Maze Runner etc. Animated movie? You kidding?

But last night I did. And I'd never knew it's actually fun. Really fun. This movie called Home.

It's really fun actually. How this alien tries to invade earth and finally befriends with human and they help each other to complete their missions.

I fell in love! Guess it's a good start for 2016?

You mean, I'm slowly turning into a kid?

Gosh.

Hahaha.

Dear Future Me 2

Read Dear Future Me 1 here.

Dear Future Me, 

I know you are afraid to receive this letter. Because by the time you receive this letter you will be 30. Don't bother to slap your face, it's true. You are 30. Hahaha. You're counting your wrinkles, no?

So 2020 has been great so far? Any flying cars over there? It's 2015 now here, you are 25 year old lady. But still pretending to be a teenager, of course because you are surrounded by teenage classmates haha.

Well, I'd like to tell you in case you are already forgot that your 20's is so much fun. You were one happy girl. Your only problem was assignment. But still going to school was something fun you ever did. Going to lecture halls and laughed with friends. You think you were funny enough, so you cracked jokes all the time. Your classmates seemed to find you funny, so they laughed along. It's really fun.

You were their class president, remember?

(You missed your campus life really bad, huh?)

You were one happy-go-lucky girl (I mean, woman). You sang just after you opened your eyes every morning. You enjoyed cooking (sometimes lazy also). You watched numerous series of Korean dramas. I bet you are jealous to reminisce this, no working lady?

And waking up late at whatever time you wanted. Actually, you thought you wanted to change your lifestyle especially your bad sleeping pattern. But that one, even your 25-year-old self would probably gave up already hehehe.

Okay, move to another topic. You work? What do you do for living? Pharmacist? Fun? On call is really fun, no? Lol. I know you are missing to be me, right? Hahaha.

How's family? Has the family expands so much? How's friends? Still keep in touch?

They were your source of happiness back then. Don't ever forget them.

So old lady, how many kids have you own now? 

Oh wait! You're finally married? Alhamdulillah then haha. So your husband is still the same Ameerul that I've dated now? Wow you tough girl - I mean he's the tough one here to stand your banyak songeh attitude  hehehe. So, has he stopped smoking? Vape off already? Hahaha. So probably the headache has finally disappeared, right? Or another headaches come now? 

Well, woman. No matter what are you doing now. What problems are you facing now.

 I believe you know that life isn't going to be easy all the time. But remember this, you are one tough lady. You've suffered from so many challenges before. You weren't able to get to study in local university before. You survived staying in Egypt for years and away from family. 

You see? Allah has his way of showing you his endless blessings. Just be tough, Allah is there.

Okay wrinkled lady, your 25-year-old self is really feel like sleeping now. Because a student like me needs a lot of nap time hahaha. I'll see you 5 years later.

Take care. Be humble. Be cool. But still be awesome (Qistina's second law).

Much love, 

Just younger version of you.

(Nik Qistina, in front of Faculty of Pharmacy Zagazig University, 2015)

Disappear

Hahaha I can't believe I just abandoned you, my dear blog. It was last year since we've been together. Last year, I repeat. So I guess there should be a lot to tell you. But actually, nothing much has happened within these 4 months.

You know, same routine as before. I am still a student okay. And now a degree student, so much pressure, so much stress. Somehow I missed how the things used to be during my diploma years. What made it so so precious to me was that bunch of silly friends that sincerely stuck with me through my ups and downs, like literally!

And Alhamdulillah, things are still going on well between us all, though some said distance might kills us. Thank Allah, I don't know how we do this, but we are still the old us. Same jokes, same laughter, same hateful fights, same stupid nicknames.

Sometimes, I ponder how blessed my life is with these people. And Dolls too. They aren't any single people on earth that can even replace them. Even the slightest. I know it's almost impossible to find a friend who would take you as you are, who you can be really silly with, you can just be yourself, cause they won't judge. Simply because they don't want to judge. Cause they are the same too! Hahaha. But these people, I don't know what I did that Allah has been so generous to send them to me.

Distance doesn't really kill us, but we still missed few gossips!

So now we make most of technology by make it mandatory for everyone of us to send a selfie on our WhatsApp group. With hashtag #selfiehariini. So annoying right. So basically I woke up by seeing their selfies. Very cheap ah you guys hahaha.

Anyhow, this is my life. This is my precious friendship. I'm looking forward to seeing their selfies 50 years from now. With wrinkles. Hahaha. 

I used to own hundreds pictures of us during our old days. So whenever I feel like missing them/the moments, I would go flipping through our pictures and started to tersengih like kepah hahah. Now, bye bye my lappy just crashed. Pictures disappear. But memories don't! 

Long hiatus

Wow, long break. Anyone misses me? I've just arrived in Egypt btw and my long disappearance in Malaysia for my long summer break, well, as usual, never be disappointed. Just few catching up meetings with my family, relatives, friends and boyfriend (s) - hahaha, you wish.

Celebrating Eid ul-Fitri and Eid al-Adha in my country, nothing beats the happiness from this. Extending my own holiday (cause it's Egypt ftw - you are free to create your own rules and protesting is their thing haha), it's just worth it.

Mom and I doing terawikh at home

Family members on mom's side 

And you know, what I love the most about being at home is food. All sort of foods. I'm not a big eater but my love for food is endless and eternity. Especially, seafood. My mom cooked me all sort of prawn dishes everyday which is equal to a heaven.

So I'm back here in Egypt for semester 5 of my course, I'm ready to rocking my normal routine (i.e: sleep, korean dramas, cooking, study, sleep again and counting days to go back to Malaysia), but this feels really long.

Semester 4 results? Hahaha don't ask. It was the worst results ever in my whole life. Just because of this one subject called 'General Microbiology & Immunology' which took itself 4 credit hours had ruined all my grades, and so did my CGPA. Just like a black sheep I tell you this subject. And the consequence continues this semester. So I happily registered for 'Clinical Microbiology' this time.

Okay few more updates.

Mom has been addicted to korean dramas now.

My younger brother is going to graduate real soon.

Dolls - as always. Nynaa is pregnant. Bunny is getting married next 2 or 3 months. Fifiey is doing Masters now. Shushy has to go through few semesters more to graduate.

Adik Hafizah - my youngest cousin. Haihh, getting pretty and clever this girl.

Adam and Mia (my nephew and niece) - keeps growing up and fighting against each other more often. I love it when they hadn't seen me for a long time, and when I showed up, they're just smiling and hug me shyly. They're really growing up.

Ameerul Ashraf - becoming more like Adam and Mia. Fighting and arguing with me whenever he got the chances. Hehehe.

And the best part of my holiday, was having a small reunion with my ex diploma coursemates. Ahhhh I really love this meeting. It was really really really good.

Definitely will update about them specifically later.

Such a nice summer break for me. I just can't wait to see what's waiting for me next summer break.

:)

More "Dear Future Me"

I suddenly remember that I used to write this entry. "Dear Future Me" entry that I wrote 3 years ago. And I reread it again. My life in 2011 was much less like what I'm in now. The past me and the present me are students. We are still addicted to shopping. We are still dating with the same guy.

Few differences of course, I'm doing a degree now. Degree in Pharmacy. Oh Lord, the one that I used to be crazy of. The one that I wailed about so much.

It was fun seeing how was I progressing. And kind of teary up reading how much I hoped for a better future. Ahhh yes, I'm becoming a little bit more sensitive now, my hormones are mature I guess - that would be another difference than the old me haha.

Hormones - another story. I like being an adult. I mean, when I was a little girl, I didn't grow up watching Sailormoon or Powerpuff Girls or any cartoons because I had no interest in them. I tried to watch them so I could join my classmates talking about how powerful those girls were, but I ended up switching the channel haha.

I was more like these - I adore Dian Sastrowardoyo so I kept my hair long just like her. I was amazed seeing how the ladies in the movies were able to have such wonderful wardrobe. I started to have a full facial set when I was 12 - my dad was afraid if my skin couldn't tolerate them, but I bought them secretly. I read teenager's magazines (Remaja, Marie Claire, Female), I wanted to wear what Puteri (Fazura in Gol&Gincu) wore (omg I was so much spoiled). I bought a slimming lotion when I was 14 - mom scolded and start to force feeding me hahaha. I decorated my room with fresh plants - things that my classmates would say, "Omg, you're like my mum". So basically growing up was the most thing that I was looking forward. Hahaha.

So being an adult, am I satisfied now? Hahaha. I really feel like an adult now. I've got pains from period, worry about money, getting headache about study, problems after problems. I was seeing these a lot in the movies when I was a kid, so no surprise but now it's real. So.. let's just face it.

Basically it's all about growing up. I will continue to grow up (or it's aging?) and there's so much more things waiting for me in the future.

Graduation. Job. Wedding. Marriage. Family. Kids.

And I know they will be a lot tougher than now. Imagine, how is it would be getting a period pain during an important meeting at work and getting a call from a nanny informing about my little baby is catching a cold? *faints*

Hahaha.

So let's just live our present life beautifully and make sure our future will be proud of it.

And I thought of doing another "Dear Future Me". 

I love you, uterus

Hello, welcome back my monthly visit! Been waiting for you since your last visit almost 4 weeks ago. So, what's new this month? Anyway, thank you so much for the welcoming party yesterday, it was fun, I was drunk (i.e. crawling in pain) till I threw up and my uterus liked it so much. It couldn't stop partying, it cramped really well until I passed out (i.e. sleep) early last night. Very fun, congratulations. 

Just to let you know, I have received your arrival signs last week. Those migraines and back pains. They were actually giving me hard times since I have few final exams coming up. But I endured it very well. Your enemy called Panadol, they help me to reduce the pain. And I threw up several times too. 

And also, thank you for the welcoming gift where I found myself emotionally and mentally distracted. I cried for no reasons last week. Also, I eat a lot too. Eat instant noodle at 1 am after eating rice at 12 am. My stomach really liked it. But I think Ameerul was a lil bit annoyed, since I mad at him for being late in replying my Whatsapp, which I think not a proper thing to do, well, you know.. He's like the victim here. You are targeting me right? Not the people around me. But he's okay now, so don't worry.

And today, I think the party is still on since the waiters called Prostaglandins are on duty now to make sure that the uterus is still celebrating your arrival, they are so happy that the cramp wouldn't want to stop, even if I try a lot of possible positions to let the pain stop, but nothing has changed. Taking bath also requires a double times than usual cause I have to crawl to get the shampoo. And my every steps also need me to do it in slow motion. Oh, not to forget, well done, I think you do your job really well since I find myself really hurt to just fart out and constipation just make my intestines yell in the toilet.

No, I don't take any medication, I know you hurt me so much, but instead, I'm thankful that you finally come to me, at least you have proved to me that I'm normal and I welcome you with all my heart and let you do your job naturally. For your own future, too! And for your neighbour called kidneys - toxic-free for them, please?

As much as I hate how you torture me, I'm so happy about your visit, every month right on time and be punctual on schedule. You just give me a sign of a healthy body. It's okay if you hurt me, because when the pain comes to me, I know Allah is erasing my sins. :)

 I love you, uterus. Mwah.

Just sharing: Yoga positions to treat the period pain. 

Kidneys must like it, but I think my brain will object this. Ahh, you lazy girl.

24 y/o

22 years ago.. Pardon the cheeky smile. I'd always looked like a naughty little girl who would pull your hair with no guilt.

22 years ago, I was celebrating my birthday with my two brothers. Definitely the stubborn sister would never want to share the knife for cake-cutting with the other siblings. And now, unofficially being 24 years old, there's so much more to achieve rather than fighting over a cake knife. 

I don't really have a new year resolution. What I want to do is, doing my best in whatever that I'm going to do ; whatever, I mean, in my studies, relationship, cooking, or even sleeping. Hahaha yes, the same Qistina as in 2013. 

Being a student in 2014, I'm still in my second year of a degree programme. No pressure, but yes, can't wait to finish it. I mean it.

Being a woman in 2014, (24 is considered as an adult, thank you), I've no pressure in marriage too. My mom's getting married when she was 24. And I've been receiving wedding invitations from my friends almost every week. My best friends are going to tie the knot real soon (again, without having me in Malaysia. Seriously, aren't Dolls feel guilty getting married without having me as a bridesmaid?). 

But frankly, I knew every details of my life has been planned properly. Starting from the moment when my mom popped me out, and school and friends and work and marriage and kids. So, nothing to be scared of. I believe that everything has been arranged nicely, and I just have to play a beautiful role and enjoy the present moment. Just make the best of it, so you won't regret it later.

Sigh. 

I'm so grown up. My hormones work very fast on a new year that I can't believe I just talked about life. It's only 3rd January, man. Haha. 

Which one now?

Despite of all chaos and political issue in Egypt, I still want to go there.

It's kinda break my heart seeing how my lovely people begging me to not to go there and continue with my studies here in Malaysia. It really bothers me. It puts me in guilty some more.

The situation is like I was having 2 kids, one of them is in Malaysia, the other one is in Egypt, but both of them are desperately need me to breastfeed them. I couldn't split my body to just satisfy what they want. Okay, you got it?

Hahaha.

Listen, my people.

I'm chasing my dreams. And trust me, Egypt is safe. (Hopefully). I've just started with my degree and I'm adapting myself really well there. It's so sayang to just let it go.

Life must go on, guys.

Or at least just bear for 4 years more.

Okay, I don't know now.

Hello busy life

It's been so so so long that I hadn't update anything. Yeaaa you know new semester has just started and I have 2 to 3 test in a week. I swear I'm going to faint at anytime.

Pheww.

And I have this intention like, "I want to go blogging tonight" or "Okay, after cooking, maybe I can update my blog before going to a tuition class", but I ended up snoring on my bed.

Now I think that 24 hours in a day is not enough. 1 hour feels like 1 minute, and you can tell me how I feel about 1 minute passes. Veryyyy quick. Sigh. Cause I have so little time and I gotta do so many things and time is really precious to me lately, so I'm thinking of doing several things at one time. Like, I cooked, put my clothes on a spin mode and cleaning up toilet at the same time. Really, mom should see it! And I studying while putting my mask on. Watching Running Man while eating. Well, at least I'm starting to appreciate time. Hahaha.

But new semester has really taken its tool on me, seriously, I need to take 7 subjects in this semester, few tests in a week, tuition classes and Running Man, of course. Lol.

Anyways, life has been really beautiful to me. I'm learning new things everyday, great friends with me, supporting parents with me, wonderful Dolls of mine, amazing best friend cum boyfriend of mine, alhamdulillah.

Daddy, see! You must be proud of me! Haha.

And now I just need energy pills. Overdose one please.

New year resolutions

Nah, forget it. I'd broke them already.

But wait, I know we should have these missions or they call it wishlist for 2013. So basically, we are going to try so hard to fulfill these aims. And I'm no exception. I want 2013 to be better than I had on 2012.

 2012 was the best. I've resigned from work for good, I came to Egypt, I made new friends and I learn how to be more independent (I mean, I tried to manage my money well, cause I couldn't simply do something crazy with my money anymore since my dad and I are now sharing the joint bank account. My dad will receive a text message regarding the money flow and I'm in a trap. Haha).

(I remember my conversation with my dad few weeks ago telling me to manage my money well and be discipline. Ay ay dad!)

But well, that's the challenge. I hope 2013 will help me doing some money saving. But Zara, H&M and Esprit did some sales off and I accidentally broke my promise. Okay, I'm sorry. Uncontrolled action.

And, attitude. I must change something about this too. My punctuality. I know it when I say 4 pm, I will only go out at 5 pm. Awful, I know. I need to be more discipline and 2013 will help me be better in time.

People can change guys. So, why go too fast on judgement?

I believe everyday is always a new beginning of something. It doesn't mean that you're fail when you can't achieve something. Life is full of surprise and it's a miracle. Nothing is impossible cause Allah created this with reasons. The key is to try, honesty and tawakkal. Allah will help you in that.

And my new year wishlist is to be a better person (so random!), a better muslimah, a better daughter, a better student, a better friend and whatever that I'll do, I'll do it earnestly (including shopping. Well, I have few wishlists over new handbag and shades, well to prove you that I'll be so much determined into this - but all that I've got to do is saving some money and discipline).

Remember guys, the beginning is always the hardest. Keep calm and try and tawakkal. :)

Arrival

8 hours on the plane. 5 hours transit in Kuwait. 2 hours journey to Cairo. 24 hours crying. Seriously, I cried a lot on the plane. Immersed my face into the shawl that I put on my head and sobbing non-stop. And I got an attention of a person who sat next to me. She asked me then, "Are you okay?". I said, "I'm sad. Don't you feel sad?"

Pffft. I hate myself. When I still want to be friendly even though I was not in the good mood. And I looked like stupid then when asking such stupid question. Never mind then. My sadness took its tool on me. 

(That girl is now my classmate and we are okay).

You know, I shed tears almost all the time. Didn't care how big the eyebags would came next. 

Anyhow, I tried to motivate myself that I come here to study. Pharmacist, yes. Pharmacist, yes. Then I cried again. Oh pleaseeee. A lot of dramas.

And sitting for hours in a plane actually bored me. I was thinking about Mini Shopaholic novel that Shushy has promised to give me, but she never give me, Janji Melayu ever. Then I remember about Shushy, how close we were and I sobbed again. Haaah, so fragile then.

Okay. This is Suez Canal. Godddd, very beautiful view. And someone told me that long, small white dots were the ships. Oh right, History subject, Form 2. Right. Now I knew.

Egypt. Pastel buildings' colour. Sandy. Dusty. One week here and I still got cough.

My ex diploma coursemate, Rab, she told me to be good here, to study well here, bla bla bla heheh and I was touched when she said, always be careful of what you say and do. This is bumi barakah. She made me ponder for minutes. She's right. I should behave. You can't find wacky Qistina in Egypt, but honestly, I'm in the process of being a good person. I learn new things every day. So yes, please guy, just pray for my best. 

:)

Solid

Wherever I go now, everyone will ask me when I'll be going to Egypt. Second question is, are you prepared enough? Then they will say, Egyptians will wear veil and jubah. And, the weather there is hot, two times to us. 

Same. Things. Ever. 

But I thank them. At least they keep reminding them about the environment there. How tough the condition will be. How strong should I be. Truth be told, I'm half ready. 

And I make sure that I'm getting used to certain things like time, temperature and many things more so when I reach there, I won't feel so awkward. 

Like..

So everytime when I look to my cellphone for time, I'll automatically can see what's the time in Egypt. And I'll start wondering what I'll be doing then. Haha.

Yes, dictionary. Very very important. This dictionary was provided by AQM during our orientation programme.

And everything is almost done. I'm readyy! :)

2011

I'm celebrating 2012 new year at home. Thanks.

I can't believe 2011 passes so fast, like they have a magic spirit in turning time or something. I know everything have changed so much. I grow older, I have learnt new things, I even become a new person. Seriously, things are just different.

I learn how be adult, to be exact. And I'm only 21. I don't know where I left my teenage life. Teheee.

January 2011, I was still in my diploma programme, final year of it. Young and fresh.

Duh, I won't never wear that hair clip again. This was during my old studying time. Oily face. Dirty.

This was the moment when I only had to wake up, dressed myself up to a practical training, ate with colleagues, having fun in doing assignments and learning new things with so much joy. Life was easy and perfect. What a honeymoon year!

And these awesome people. They used to be my internship buddies and now they are my really good friends. They are fun, I swear.

These bunch of wonderful people. Beauty with brains and jokes, yes. Never failed to make me laugh. Crazy, wacky university friends. And now we're successfully graduated as the Diploma of Pharmacy holders, some of us are now working and some pursuing the studies in degree level. And we keep planning on doing more reunions ahead. The photo above was taken during our last reunion.

And we're graduated! Around October 2011.

Thing wasn't going right when I had applied for university's degree intake but they rejected all of my applications. Cruel much. And I think I did nothing wrong. Because as a Diploma in Pharmacy holder, I did applied for Bachelor in Pharmacy, which is so much clear in path. Result: Rejected. Just because my pointer is below 3.80. I'm not the best student but I deserve a chance and I promised to make my best of it if I were given the chance and bla bla bla. Too late I don't want that anymore!

And I did applied for Bachelor in Law and Bachelor in Actuarial Science. Result: Rejected. I don't have any foundation for that courses, what do you expect girl? This was funny. I didn't took this seriously. I just did the applications.

Insyaallah, I was planning to continue my study abroad. If Allah wills.

And now I'm working. I've got the offer letter to work at KPJ Tawakkal Specialist Hospital two weeks after I finished with my internship. Phewww. No resting time at all. Hehe.

My colleagues.

Port Dickson. Ameerul brought me there to celebrate my 21st birthday.

And these are my beautiful ladies. 2011 much less tear us apart. We didn't really got the chance to meet up with each other. I miss them.

Well, 2011 was treating me really nice. It was the greatest among all of the past. Hello 2012, I'm am now 22. :)

Mid-life crisis

I had such a terrible week. I got PMS all week long. I was really a depressed pathetic girl. I refused to talk to people. I was not in the mood of communicating to others. I'd rather have been quiet than talking. Making jokes, no way. I'd chose to alienate myself. I didn't really mixed up with people.

I was a short-tempered. I got angry easily. Everything seemed so wrong.

I didn't know why. Mood swing, maybe. Hormones changes, maybe.

I'm not sure if my colleagues seemed to aware of how I behaved but one of them asked me if I was okay cause he saw me talking less. Of course I did, I had mouth ulcer. But that's not the main reason.

Ameerul was aware of me having those changes. He asked me, was I having a mid-life crisis or something. Look, I'm only 21, what on earth did he think of me having a mid-life crisis at this very young age? He's kidding, I know, and I found that funny.

Unfortunately, that hadn't even helped me. I'm miserable, depressed and I still comfortable to be remained in silences.

Ameerul tried to cheer me up back every time we were on the phone line, he said, "Come on girl, come back. Pulanglah. ". As though i'm hantu or what.

Haha, that's funny. He spotted me in a very different world.

And I don't know why. They say, women are complicated and they may be right. I'm not being a complicated, I was just acting like what I want, like how I comfortable to be to. And they may saw that as complicated. Well, human basic right.

And now I'm okay. I'm back. :D

From Daddy with love

Dad asked me if I ever like Ameerul. So I said, biasa je. I lied. He asked me once again if I like Ameerul or not? Look, I don’t get this. Why on earth he was asking me that? I surely like him, I mean why I would like to be his girlfriend if I don’t like him. 

And now, I love him.

So, to answer my dad, I said yes. Who knows, my dad really wanted to know my answer because he actually had planned to get us married. And he secretly planned it with Ameerul’s parents and he wanted to make it as a big surprise to me.

No. Actually it was a no. A big no.

My dad won’t allow me to get married before I get my degree.

I said yes. I like him. A lot. More than a lot - I added it in my mind.

My dad gave a little laugh. I know this would be a start to a long lecture.

My dad started with, "Well, if you like him, you should respect him. Treat him nicely."

"I saw the way you talked to him, you're arising your voice. That's not a good way to talk to people. 

You know, if we respect people, they will respect you back."

"Practise it from now, even though you're not his wife yet you should always talk to him in a well manners. Later when you get married with him, your marriage will be blessed by Allah. Good wife will get a blessing from Allah and you marriage will be a successful one."

"When you treat him nicely, he will never underestimate you, instead he will always be good to you in return."

I listened and responded by saying, "Yes, right, okay, I will, yes". Pretended that I listened and try to give a grow-up responses.

My dad loves me, he wants me to be the best. And he wants me to be everyone's favourite.

I know and I appreciate that.

I miss you..

Dear diary,

Today's the last day I met him. The last day after he goes back to Penang for semester 5. And I, being left here, expected to do the same routines after all. Working, working, working and working. (and shopping by any chance).

We had so much fun today. So much fun. We went watching movie, having lunch together, he drove me back to home and guess what, I shouldn't tell you this but he gave me some money for me to survive for the next two weeks until my salary out since, emm I am actually broke, after I went to Zara and Pull & Bear warehouse big clearance and nothing's left in my purse except my licence and IC. Huh. He was mad at me because I was overspent on those bloody clothes and at the same time, I know he loves me, he wants me to survive well, he wants me to not too refrain on everything.

I thank God. And I felt guilty, he actually didn't had that much of money. I don't know why he still gave me some of it. Yeah, I reckon this is kind of money problem before marriage. We can call it as a pre-test then. We are the young couple, aren't we? So we act normal.

I was so happy. We were spending our time together. Talking about future, how happy he was when he said that he wanted me to be his wife, we were talking about what we had done and went during his semester break. He told me how enthusiastic he was to go back to Penang to study and how he wishes us to have a bright future together. I cried. I felt so sad, I felt like I was going to lost someone. I can felt he was far.

I can see thing's going harder. When I further my study abroad, I know we are so much apart. I might be there for ages, and he promises me no matter how far I go, no matter how long he has to wait for me, no matter how less we can get touch to each other, he will never leave me.

We promised each other.

I miss you. I miss you so bad.

Confessions.

I've just come to realization that I need to save my money. Money. Frankly speaking, I'd always have a problem with money. I might spent too much on unimportant things, I might be too fragile to just seeing sale signs, I might overbudget on everything and I know that sometimes I'm too strong-headed to listen to any advice that they have given.

I've never told anyone how much I spent in a month just for my clothes, shoes and handbags except to Ameerul. Not that I voluntarily told him what I had bought, but you know what, he kept asking me what I bought everytime I went to the mall. I just can't lie.

And if my dad was asking me the same question, I'll always telling him the truth. And thank God my dad never ask for it so far. Or else, you can only find me in a grave. Oh God. SCAAARY!

The same thing goes for my mum, aunts, granny, and even my colleagues. They were so kind-hearted and never gave up to tell me to stop buying unnecessary things. I mean like, I told them that I wanna buy a nice Chanel blusher and I was being scolded for that. They told me that was too expensive and I can get even much better blusher than that by cheaper price.

And I don't get them. I mean, it is not that I don't want to listen to them, it is just that, I want that bloody Chanel blusher like, I'm dying for that. Am I bad?

I'd actually want to further my study next year. So my dad told me to always have a saving money so I won't be too dependent on him. He even wants to create a bloody bank account just for me to keep some of my monthly salary inside it! And that might be one of his ways in order to make sure that I'm not over budget to what I'm going to spend. Maybe because I'm a teenager, the more he advises me, the more I become repellent to it! I act normal, am I?

Don't ever ask me how much do I save up until now, cause it is zero in number. And at the end of the month, I'll ask my mum for some money. I'm bad, I am totally bad. Because I know that my mum won't has a heart to see me starving. And I'll always promise her that I'll pay her immediately after I get my salary.

You know what, I've just realized that, I haven't wear maybe 5-6 clothes that I had bought before. I might be forgotten about their existence, perhaps.

I tried to be a better person each time my salary came out. But I found that it was only last for hmm maybe 2 days after that. I was cruel to myself. I swiped here and I swiped there like I'd never had a future.

So here I am, promise to be a better person. I promise to wear all those never-wear clothes and I try to cut back.

I hope this may last for err a year, perhaps. Because I'm going to further my study next year wohoo.

p/s: Because student will always find it easier to get money from parents. And scholarship too!

Last 10 days

Oh hi. Haven't update for so long. How's Ramadhan so far guys? Mine was very great except for the fact that I couldn't fast for about a week and swear, it was one terrible week. Painful and pathetic. You get what I mean but the best part was I was working with fully energetic and smile for all day long. I'd got enough energy, it's fair.

God is fair.

And I hope yours are also great.

Still I can't deny the fact that I am actually being attacked by some bacteria in my urinary tract. UTI all the way. *sigh. And I can't stand for such a long time without water.

Hurt. *cries.

Morning face. Tawakkal Hospital.

Night face with cousin after break fast.